Do you ever have a question that you know will never be resolved? I do but it is time to let this one go. Those who have read my blogs probably think I am a bit obsessed with my daughter’s love life. My husband says I take the break-ups worse than her. I know it is true, but I will never admit it to him. I probably take it worse than most of the moms I know but I wear my heart of my sleeve. I feel shortchanged when I open my heart and home to a boy who could end up being a part of our family. When they break up with your daughter, they don’t think wow her family was nice to me. I have read other mom’s posts online that expressed a desire to reach out to the ex-boyfriend. I thought it was insane, but I get it now. My daughter has had three main boyfriends in high school, and one asked her to apologize to me because he had asked me to help him surprise her with a homecoming proposal right before he dumped her. The second one is still her friend and when I saw him, I told him that their 7 year friendship would always make him welcome in my home. (He was here on Friday night at my daughter’s request). This latest ex is different though. He actually sought out my advice during their relationship. He told me a couple weeks before he broke up with her that he really wanted to make it work in college. I knew it wouldn’t but I tried to be kind to him because that would only be determined by the two of them. So this is where my unanswered question comes in.
My daughter has always been able to get to the bottom of what happened to cause any past break-up’s, but this one makes no sense. To clarify she knew she needed to break-up with him, but she wasn’t planning to blame him. She was going to explain how their lives were not making it possible to have the kind of relationship he needed and it wasn’t fair to him. So when he went from I can’t live my life without you to, you don’t care as much as me so I am breaking up with you. Followed with why aren’t you upset when she said she understood because she did. He is so angry that he proceeds to follow her friends on instagram. I think because he sought out my advice, I feel like he used me to get to her. He used the poor me approach and I love her so much… to get me to be on his side. My biggest regret is that I didn’t listen to her hunch to dump him as soon as she saw the issues. She tried to make something work that was hurting her. So what is my question? I guess it is why put the blame on someone who was honest with you from the beginning? She was clear on her desire to not be serious after just getting out of a two year relationship. She wanted to have someone to have fun with the rest of high school and over the summer. 18 is the age to discover yourself and not be locked into a long term relationship.
Today I decided to accept that the answer to my question would never come, so I did the best thing I could. I made sure there were no means of his life popping up on any of my social feeds (I had been friends with his mom and sister on social media). There is no reason to know because life goes on. My mindset has changed. In high school you kind of want your kids to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, so they have a date for dances. In college, I want her to discover who she is and what she wants out of life. So the question I will focus on is how can I help her fly on wings like eagles to soar to new heights.
P.S. Thanks for enduring this struggle. Hopefully now that school is starting up again I can bring some new topics into my blogs. six days to college move-in. I am really going to miss her. An upcoming blog will be about moving a girl into a dorm room. I will tell you how it really goes and if I needed a whole box of tissues on the way home.
momsurvivalsite 