Two days until we move our daughter to college. I want to cry, but I want to scream. If your children are always polite, kind, and considerate, you will probably want to skip this blog. I love my daughter, but I don’t like her too much right now. I am sorry if this offends you, but two days to move-in and it is one struggle after another. We have reached the point of “You make me want to leave” followed by “If I could move you today I would”. I know as moms we want the picture perfect relationship with our daughters. I hope to have an improved version of what we have now someday. She is a great kid: smart, determined, beautiful, kind, etc., but right now I would say she is evil.
I think I get frustrated because most moms make you think they get along wonderfully with their daughters. They flutter their doughy eyes and say oh my daughter never argues with me. She is wonderful all the time. I call “bull” to that. Last night I said to my lovely daughter, “I hope you have an opportunity to figure out a plan for that”. Her response was that of a 13 year old. Snarky, rude, irritated. Apparently I said it in a condescending way. I was not aware of that. I thought I said it with concern because I thought it could be a frustrating problem. Her words weren’t the issue, but the tone of voice. I can’t stand that snarky, annoyed voice any longer. “You think everything is my fault”. Honestly I just want her to not sound so pissed off whenever she opens her mouth. It isn’t just me, my husband and son are tired of it too. I know I was probably the same way to my mom. (Sorry mom). I know she will come back in a couple months a kinder version of herself. Right now she thinks that we don’t have a clue. Any advise is “being treated like a child”. I told her I was trying to treat her like she was 18, but she can’t ask to be treated like she has got it, but respond like a 13 year old. There is a lot of money being invested into her future. Our family will be making sacrifices so she can have opportunities. I want her to have them, but I just want to know that they are a little bit appreciated. I don’t need to hear thank you but to be treated with respect.
I will cry tears of sadness on Sunday, but I think I will be a little bit hopeful that the grouchy tone we have listened to for the last year will maybe evaporate just a little. I love her to my core, and I want her to soar into this next adventure.
I think the being fear of a mother is that their children will leave and they will lose them. They are the one part of your life where most of us completely open up. We try to do the same with a spouse, but most of us probably hold back just a little. With our children, we love them unconditionally from the moment we hold them or hear their heartbeat. You fear for them, cry for them, sacrifice for them and do anything for them, so they have the power to hurt us to our very core. The tone they take when you ask how practice was. This is part of our wiring to be there in good times and bad. I never wanted my children to stay babies, but I think we all miss just a little the time when we could fix anything with a hug or a snuggle.
I am kind of ranting because I am just like most moms out there who doesn’t want to openly say my kid makes me so angry. I want the world to believe we have the perfect relationship, but reality is different. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad because your kid makes you angry. Sometimes we have to say no, take things away, or just show them how much they hurt us. If you give them whatever they want in the form of no guidance, you are not being a parent. I hope someday to have a friendship with my adult daughter, but right now I am dealing with an 18 year old child. She will see that we are just trying to support her not hold her back, but she has to see that.
I feel better, but most importantly, I hope if you are a “bad mom” (yes making a movie reference) that you see that it is okay. Keep doing your best because it is hard and you will never be the perfect mom, just be the best mom you can be.