Okay so this isn’t really about math….. My weight and health is not at its best so I am going to use math to solve the problem. Today the first day of a new year was the first day of my math related health plan.
I am using fitness pal to record my food, activity and water and at the end of the day the goal is to have a few calories left. Day one was a success but I am a bit hungry lol. I plan to post a weekly blog with my actual success and failure. I would call today a success.
If you could go back in time to any moment, would you? Would you change a moment or just go back and relive a favorite memory?
Here I am at 3:48 in the wee hours of the morning….. I can’t sleep. It started with my son being angry at us for his dad and I wanting to go out to dinner to celebrate the basketball win. In true 15 year old adolescent fashion, he was mad about…. Playing time, how he played….. Honestly I don’t know. It just led to yelling and arguing and a threat of no ride to the bus if he didn’t apologize.
Don’t get me wrong. I teach middle school special education and I know this is a normal phase that I learned about in a middle school philosophy class. I thought however that boys were easier than girls at this age. We survived the teen daughter and now we have a 20 year old who appreciates us. She still gets irritated from time to time, but it is aligned with anxiety and less about us. Dealing with a freshman son seems to be more difficult but maybe it is like childbirth and I am merely forgetting how hard it was with our daughter.
Well tomorrow we have a whole tournament of games which probably means more anger. Oh JOY! The icing on the cake is we committed to a whole evening of schmoozing with the community at a booster event. I dread going because I am tired of the small town community spirit. You know what I mean. The community that doesn’t care that you have a masters in special education and that your husband is the head of a survey department. Your level of acceptance is based on how long you have been a part of the community, your success in that high school, and your child’s success in that high school. So now at 4 am I am dreading this ritual of pretending to not notice that I am not good enough to socialize with in public.
The stupid thing is we both grew up in a small town and hated it. We lived in a larger town and somehow forgot that small doesn’t always mean tight-knit in a positive way so guess what we moved back to a small town when our very shy daughter was entering 6th grade and our son was starting kindergarten. I pretend like I think it was a good thing but now I am not so sure. There are aspects that I like about small towns, but those pieces are like a pretty Christmas card that you only glance at. With a closer inspection, you see the flaws. I want to be measured by what I have accomplished, but apparently if you are one of them, it doesn’t matter. Everyone else ranks above you and there is the basis of small towns: It all comes down to who your legendary status in small townville.
Feel free to comment on your small town experience or surviving a teenage son. If anyone has any great advice I would like to hear it, but if you just want to commiserate I would be glad to read that too. It is nice just to know you aren’t alone when you can’t sleep and you have to get up in two hours to face a day you are stressing about.
Would love some feedback!
This summer I have been reading and participating in a Biblestudy called Becoming Heart Sisters. In a world of people who are looking out for themselves first this is a challenge. On one hand we are told as women to stand strong by the world, on the other hand we are told by the Bible to forgive and submit. As a mother I want to set an example.
Recently a friend apologized for “stuff that happened back then” and although I had forgiven her back then through this Bible study I realized I was just mad again. Same apology that happened in the past but this time would I forgive or stand strong. I don’t want my daughter to be taken advantage of so my response had to be well thought out. In the end I said I forgave her a long time ago and gave her peace but I still didn’t desire to rebuild that friendship. It was hard to end it but I ended it because it wasn’t a friendship that built me up rather it tore me down. Her apology made me realize she didn’t respect me anymore now then she did then. Why is it so hard for women to let women go? We let bad boyfriends go… Isn’t it the same thing?
I had another friend who confronted me on how I hurt her and I was confused. I had no idea I had been making her feel bad. I truly felt bad, apologized, and made a real attempt to not repeat that behavior. We aren’t super close due to distance but I hurt her so I lost some of her trust. I will continue to try but understand that it may never be like before.
Not everyone who hurts use wants to be forgiven but we have to forgive them for ourselves. That negative feeling they leave behind makes us not trust new friends and leaves us with bitterness.
Thanks for reading my reflection, and feel free to comment. May the good lord bless and keep you!
This is more for me then you. I am feeling selfish. My kids have been handed some disappointments this past week that are just not fair. I want to fix these disappointments and in a world of participation trophies I know that disappointment is a part of learning. I just don’t want to see their hurt. Why can’t I see in the future so that I know it all works out for the best.
It has been a long time since I have posted about life. My daughter whom inspired this blog and her love life that were the subject of my first few blogs are starting their second year of college in less than a month. Her current love life includes a boy she has been dating for almost six months. There has been some frogs, rebounds, and less than appealing guys, but this new boy seems to treat her well. Being post 1 1/2 years from the high school first love has helped me step back. I just want to point out he is now one of her best friends again. They are probably six hours apart but they talk a lot. They talk about who they are dating, want to date, school, life, etc. Their friendship was important enough to both of them to try. Part of my frustration as a parent was seeing her lose a best friend that happened to be a boyfriend as well. Many people said they wouldn't be friends. She told me it took her a year and a couple of rebound boyfriends to really get over him. They have agreed that they are better off as friends. But this leads to a bigger topic college boys.
My daughter has had some experiences that could have been far more dangerous because she had a naive view of boys. She had recently told me she no longer feels that most guys mean it when they say they are your friend.
My advice to parents: have your daughters take a self defense class. These classes teach more that defending yourself but also how to avoid the situations that require you to physically defend themselves. Nothing serious has happened because my girl has a few great guy friends and a boyfriend whom point out those untrustworthy guys and she is smart and strong.
Pepper spray and whistles are great but they might not be close at hand if you go somewhere that doesn't require they stay in hand.
Also talk your daughters about alcohol. Don't just talk about beer but also drinks that look like soda or fruit juice. If you haven't had vodka or run you may not know that you are drinking alcohol. They also need to be aware of a guy drinking those when they are "hanging out". Alcohol blurs your mind but how often do we really talk about that with our college bound kids. We need to change the conversation to how to be responsible in these new situations in order to avoid negative unsafe situations.
Most campuses do their best to protect your kids but do your research and open the lines of communication.
Okay so in previous posts I always seem to talk about my daughter. Guess what I have two teenagers. Having one moving into adulthood it is easy to not focus on the 13 year old as much. He is s quiet kid and tends to internalize his problems, concerns, and successes. He has a huge example to live up to because his sister was pretty great at whatever she did. He hates when we talk about his success or failures. I can’t yell his name during a basketball game or track meet. I am struggling with the fact he is a boy, reserved and easily embarrassed. He has had straight A’s in 6th and 7th grade, is the fastest 400 runner in his grade and has the best long jump for the school. I think he is pretty amazing but he still says I wish I was good at something. I struggle with being a teenage boys mom because he isn’t typical or maybe he is?
My daughter has been dating a boy who up until the last week has made her happy. He got her through an anxiety attack and brought her pepto when she was sick. So the last week has been different because he as she just found out suffers from depression. He has been doing well for the last two years but he was starting to suffer from symptoms of depression. He just told her last night and he told her it usually takes a month for him to get out of this slump. Of course I feel for him but because they are at college I haven’t met him. My priority is my daughter and this is a boyfriend so it is hard not to say cut bait. I want to trust that this isn’t just an excuse to spend less time with her. I have only suffered temporary depression, so I can’t truly relate or understand. I don’t know how much we should trust he isn’t going to break her heart. This relationship is about two or three months old.
She is choosing to stick this out but at what risk to her? Any advice in how to support and protect my daughter at the same time?
Update: she is still dating him but they are spending less time together. I am not sure what the future holds for them.
It is like a transparent glass when you are a mother and a daughter. I wanted freedom and space when I was a college student. In fact my life choices were guided by that need for freedom, but now the glass is showing me my own daughter wanting space and freedom. I am torn between understanding because I was once in her shoes and hurt because I thought I would be the mom she didn’t want space from.
Honestly it is much better than three months ago but it is just hard. Every time I drop her off at school I feel like I am losing her a little more. I want to find a way to keep the connection but I still have to be mom. Someday I hope we can be more friends than mother daughter but right now I still have to guide her and generally make her mad because she isn’t 100% an adult that has if all under control. She will figure it out but she has to learn like I did when I was her age.
Watching through the glass can be heartbreaking but it will be okay.
I will apologize advance because I am using voice text. A lot riding on this week waiting on decisions to be made and waiting on worries to be resolved or possibly get worse I’m scared and a little confused. None of these things or life or death just circumstances that will determine the next steps. I worry because I want them to turn out a certain way but I’m trying to have faith that God doesn’t always see things the way we see things. If you were one of my few followers I wouldn’t mind a prayer in my direction and my daughters direction and my family’s direction like I said circumstances will be determined this week nothing life or death just figuring out the right path to take.
momsurvivalsite 